So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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