his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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