I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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