and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
