hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
