Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
