I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
