hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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