Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize