It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize