he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
