I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
