Where is the hickey?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
