I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
