He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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