I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
