Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like a drive thru vagina
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
