I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
