Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
another moral hangover. fuck.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
