my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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