He told me they were just razor bumps!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
