he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were trust falling into bushes
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
