I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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