If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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