Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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