I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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