Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
