the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm at about main and main street
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
