Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
