He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
