I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
