I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
