HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
