He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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