Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
