That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
