I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
