Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
