Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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