i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think i have two assholes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
