Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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