as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
