just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize