i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
