So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
