Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
