i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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