Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We left the knife in your bed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize