I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
