bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
