Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
