i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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