Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
