We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
