She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
