Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize