We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
