I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize