and you said cock pushups were impossible
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
