i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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