I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
