she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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