please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
