Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
